Your given name
the name you are called
The name you have learned to call yourself
is only valuable when it lines up with
and accurately defines describes your function destination and destiny.
What you are and who you are inside
Is replete with value stature
It can not be diminished by
Your social status
your economic status
gender color or national heritage.
Your importance to the world and for yourself
is exponentially multiplied by the depths Of your sorrows you have experienced
Because of being cast aside looked aside thrown aside you are far more
Than what anyone will ever see here with earthly eyes
"I rode a rainbow of clouds and sunshine to get here carried by the joy and encapsulated PLEASURE to see your shining faces!"
The pure energy of seing you enlightened excelling and exuding a love for yourself and others
Brings light and life that no depression can penetrate.
Why would I do this?
Because I am compelled to
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Are all things fully "considered"
I want to be mad I want to flail my arms kick and scream! I want to cry and say how UNFAIR life has been for me- but I can't. Its true - a truth- in the midst of other things going on.
We had a big "pow wow" today. I realize that I kept a lot in (past non disclosures) but I also told a lot. During that time in my life I was afraid- I was angry and no one could help me- or be
willing to.
I see and hear the apologetic words and wavering voices sorrowful for past infractions of faithful friendship, relationship and family. Most times I hear the silence of knowing what was wrong and how to correct it and no one moving toward "corrective action."
I waver emotionally blowing swirling in the wind of past present and future. I am none of those things fully but the sum of them all.
Waffle and chicken wings in mild sauce - that was my "dinner" I am aching physically and literally please God don't let this foolishness be the end of me.
We had a big "pow wow" today. I realize that I kept a lot in (past non disclosures) but I also told a lot. During that time in my life I was afraid- I was angry and no one could help me- or be
willing to.
I see and hear the apologetic words and wavering voices sorrowful for past infractions of faithful friendship, relationship and family. Most times I hear the silence of knowing what was wrong and how to correct it and no one moving toward "corrective action."
I waver emotionally blowing swirling in the wind of past present and future. I am none of those things fully but the sum of them all.
Waffle and chicken wings in mild sauce - that was my "dinner" I am aching physically and literally please God don't let this foolishness be the end of me.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Wisconsin State Women Veteran
Please support our women veteran organizations by participating in events in your local or regional area. Make a point to become the change you seek through networking and meeting veteran women from all over the country.
http://dva.state.wi.us/Docs/ExpoFlyerSept2012.pdf
https://wiswomenvetsexpo.eventbrite.com/?nomo=1
http://dva.state.wi.us/Docs/ExpoFlyerSept2012.pdf
https://wiswomenvetsexpo.eventbrite.com/?nomo=1
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Women Veteran prayer breakfast
I'm a "do it big or go home" kinda person who likes to be a part of the picture but not THE picture. I'm happy enjoying the joy of others lives and get a kick out of seeing people's dreams realized. I also like to walk around in my "jams" (pajamas) and blog or update statuses from my king sized bed. I'm NOT complicated but I do like what I like and bristle at what I don't.
I went to an event on Saturday for veteran women and I was pleased beyond measure. I mean Dr. T did it up for veteran women. Veteran women were running the event, speaking MC showcasing their products and just plain "getting it done." I am so in awe at how each woman has found her niche area and is working in her community in her own way.
I was so enthusiastic about the event I went to the veteran and told her personally how impressive the event was and my experience there.
I also got to hug Shoshanna and have her sign the book she authored with Mary Doyle- who also signed my copy of her book. One of my running buddies Gayle, a retired Army major, went with me. We had a ball!
We need to support events going on in our community which recognize veteran women in a positive light.
I also realized that we fail or don't have ultimate successes because we don't engage our best assets in our community. It's a mentality that "I can do this" on my own. I like collaborating and not dictatorship. Each organization bring their own stuff to the table and it indelibly makes the sum total of the whole that much more .
I went to an event on Saturday for veteran women and I was pleased beyond measure. I mean Dr. T did it up for veteran women. Veteran women were running the event, speaking MC showcasing their products and just plain "getting it done." I am so in awe at how each woman has found her niche area and is working in her community in her own way.
I was so enthusiastic about the event I went to the veteran and told her personally how impressive the event was and my experience there.
I also got to hug Shoshanna and have her sign the book she authored with Mary Doyle- who also signed my copy of her book. One of my running buddies Gayle, a retired Army major, went with me. We had a ball!
We need to support events going on in our community which recognize veteran women in a positive light.
I also realized that we fail or don't have ultimate successes because we don't engage our best assets in our community. It's a mentality that "I can do this" on my own. I like collaborating and not dictatorship. Each organization bring their own stuff to the table and it indelibly makes the sum total of the whole that much more .
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Wiawaka House
I'm on a late plane from Baltimore to Atlanta. Eight hours ago I was on a Victorian porch in upstate New York doing an interview for CBS about a women veterans retreat. I had been before but it had been at least 2 years. The last time I was standing on the porch with my best friend Michele of 25 years. I could not have made it without her being there. I was very deeply depressed and just seeing her smiling face brought me so much joy.
I'm devouring mini pretzels now and drinking ginger ale out of habit. It's late and I'm ok that I'm 30,000 feet. One of the flight attendants recognized me and said he's seen me "fly quite a bit". It's funny to me. Fifteen flights in the last few months. That's not counting Delta and Southwest. I'm not bragging but rejoicing and saying hallelujah! Another area of my life I'm taking charge of and being successful. I make my flights on time now. I no longer "no show" and have to reschedule. I no longer lock myself in the airplane bathroom until the flight lands because of an anxiety attack. I don't have to consistently take anti anxiety pills when I fly, travel leave the house, for that matter.
Now this all has something to do with Wiawaka house. It was the first place I cried in a public open forum
Group setting that was not "clinically induced." it was the first time I stepped out from behind my "security blanket" (my laptop) and allowed myself to
Become a contributor and recognized how much contributing was a healing salve for me. It was a safe environment and although I may have been in them before I never sensed the safety there. I was always on the "run" emotionally. I learned to be in a group of people and be ok with the fact and not be searching for an exit or sitting near the exit so I didn't have to engage or see people's faces.
I read a poem I wrote to the veteran women there while I was on the flight to Albany NY. It expressed my feelings about my "veteran status" the perks and non perks that come along with that.
I came this year and made new friends and to see Reverend Penny. She is a Facebook friend who has been a good phone friend and now an in person friend. It was super seeing her and meeting the 12 other ladies who came
from the city of NY. She brought NY company! Lol it was good to meet all the women from other areas and connect with the facilitators from Creative healing connections.
We made history time and time again this week. We set precedence time and time again and I believe veterans and their families in NY will be the better for it. I believe Wiawaka House and Lake George will be better for it. I know that I am better.
I'm devouring mini pretzels now and drinking ginger ale out of habit. It's late and I'm ok that I'm 30,000 feet. One of the flight attendants recognized me and said he's seen me "fly quite a bit". It's funny to me. Fifteen flights in the last few months. That's not counting Delta and Southwest. I'm not bragging but rejoicing and saying hallelujah! Another area of my life I'm taking charge of and being successful. I make my flights on time now. I no longer "no show" and have to reschedule. I no longer lock myself in the airplane bathroom until the flight lands because of an anxiety attack. I don't have to consistently take anti anxiety pills when I fly, travel leave the house, for that matter.
Now this all has something to do with Wiawaka house. It was the first place I cried in a public open forum
Group setting that was not "clinically induced." it was the first time I stepped out from behind my "security blanket" (my laptop) and allowed myself to
Become a contributor and recognized how much contributing was a healing salve for me. It was a safe environment and although I may have been in them before I never sensed the safety there. I was always on the "run" emotionally. I learned to be in a group of people and be ok with the fact and not be searching for an exit or sitting near the exit so I didn't have to engage or see people's faces.
I read a poem I wrote to the veteran women there while I was on the flight to Albany NY. It expressed my feelings about my "veteran status" the perks and non perks that come along with that.
I came this year and made new friends and to see Reverend Penny. She is a Facebook friend who has been a good phone friend and now an in person friend. It was super seeing her and meeting the 12 other ladies who came
from the city of NY. She brought NY company! Lol it was good to meet all the women from other areas and connect with the facilitators from Creative healing connections.
We made history time and time again this week. We set precedence time and time again and I believe veterans and their families in NY will be the better for it. I believe Wiawaka House and Lake George will be better for it. I know that I am better.
Beauty for the mundane
Tonight I hear crickets nighttime melodies and feel music vibrations ripple and bounce off the lake while pinpoint lights flicker in the distance.
I am here at a Lake in Upstate New York and its beautiful. I am here in a Victorian house from the 1800's and it's beauty is breathtaking. There is no "AC" and I don't know if there is a TV. The windows are open and the crisp air is reminiscent of a simplier time. Even this post may have difficulty getting through to some "wifi."
I am here with 20 or so women veterans. Many whom I know from Facebook and this is my first time meeting them "face to face". I am giddy, tickled, girlish juvenile while talking to each one and treating them with a big hug.
I'm just happy to be alive. Alive! Having feelings! ALL of them. The boring day to day ones the "special occasion" ones. I'm glad I'm getting to experience them ALL- even triggers and anxiety from PTS. Yep even those. My life has so much value to me partly because I get to see others enjoy their lives and I get to soak it up and feel it all. Just being in others lives while they go through the "mundane" experiencing life in the day to day things that we take for granted. I can't take any of it for granted there are so many who will never get to feel this. Never get to know what it's like to have all the feelings I'm speaking of. The color of their lives has been stripped away because of the depression and PTS and there are too few to step in "professionally" to help.
Peer support has been the non professional support that has sustained me when the professionals had given up on me when I didn't meet their statistics for their reports. These women veteran have been the scaffolding which kept me alive and encouraged when I couldn't encourage myself. I am here tonight both in present state and present place because "day to day" someone posted and reposted silly pictures jokes events and helped me build a community of support which has supported quite a few and me in the process.
It's early and quiet. All the laughter and chatter has subsided. I have warm tears of joy. How awesome is knowing that I am in a safe space where I am loved and appreciated especially by awesome talented veteran women. I can not "cash" this or equate it to a monetary amount (kabillion) but I can bask in the beauty of this moment.
I am here at a Lake in Upstate New York and its beautiful. I am here in a Victorian house from the 1800's and it's beauty is breathtaking. There is no "AC" and I don't know if there is a TV. The windows are open and the crisp air is reminiscent of a simplier time. Even this post may have difficulty getting through to some "wifi."
I am here with 20 or so women veterans. Many whom I know from Facebook and this is my first time meeting them "face to face". I am giddy, tickled, girlish juvenile while talking to each one and treating them with a big hug.
I'm just happy to be alive. Alive! Having feelings! ALL of them. The boring day to day ones the "special occasion" ones. I'm glad I'm getting to experience them ALL- even triggers and anxiety from PTS. Yep even those. My life has so much value to me partly because I get to see others enjoy their lives and I get to soak it up and feel it all. Just being in others lives while they go through the "mundane" experiencing life in the day to day things that we take for granted. I can't take any of it for granted there are so many who will never get to feel this. Never get to know what it's like to have all the feelings I'm speaking of. The color of their lives has been stripped away because of the depression and PTS and there are too few to step in "professionally" to help.
Peer support has been the non professional support that has sustained me when the professionals had given up on me when I didn't meet their statistics for their reports. These women veteran have been the scaffolding which kept me alive and encouraged when I couldn't encourage myself. I am here tonight both in present state and present place because "day to day" someone posted and reposted silly pictures jokes events and helped me build a community of support which has supported quite a few and me in the process.
It's early and quiet. All the laughter and chatter has subsided. I have warm tears of joy. How awesome is knowing that I am in a safe space where I am loved and appreciated especially by awesome talented veteran women. I can not "cash" this or equate it to a monetary amount (kabillion) but I can bask in the beauty of this moment.
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