The mask is off. I am no longer (well at least not as much) concerned with the thoughts about my "illnesses" and people knowing. I thought it was important to keep this sunny face for everyone all the time. It's not. If someone is in your life and you have challenges ( I'm not talking about being emo) you should be able to share those things with them instead of "hiding" out. Most times when I don't feel well emotionally or physically. I just hide out - hence the recent hiatus from blogging. I was confronted with some hard realities and had to make a decision about choices I had made in the past and how they had impacted my current situation. I wanted things to be different but I was not changing me. I once told a young lady that once she moved out of town she would run into the same problems she had in the town she was in. She asked me how could I be so sure and I told her because she would be in that town and ultimately she could not get away from herself.
I learned this past week there will be some people in your life that want you to listen to them, cater to them, do for them and make them comfortable around you no matter how that makes YOU feel. ( You don't even have to have PTSD for that.) There will be some that create an environment for you which causes you to question everything you do around them without taking into consideration what they do around you. Lastly, there will be those no matter how much you do or don't do for them they will not be satisfied because they are not satisfied within themselves and they have a hunch that something is wrong but they are too selfish to think that it could be them.
Relationships are give and take. You should be adding positively or taking away in a positive manner and this should be in like the gentle waves of the ocean not a disaster of a Tsunami. I got to a point where I felt like I was kissing an enormous amount of butt to stay in a relationship some people. I was letting them completly erase my boundaries and draw their own lines FOR ME. Ahh, it's amazing how that can happen. Now this is where I am. The road has come to an end and I have to begin a new journey using another mode of transportation and terrain. I am not leaving anyone "behind" because I would hope that others are moving as well in their own direction. I am reminded of a song that says that I have come to far by faith... and so I have. This end is a fluid interchange of beginings and endings and now that I understand this I can go on and continue the process of life changes to improve myself and my interactions with those around me. Yes indeed I have been PTjamS'D but there is more to me than this and I am ready to discover... the more ... to me.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Difficulties for women at VA hospital facilities
Difficulties for women at VA hospital facilities
Well, now we know its not just in our minds. thanks to NPR news and Warrior Gateway for reposting NPR's findings
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)