Pull the trigger

Why does one trauma effect your life so much and another cause no challenge at all? I found that for me it depended on what happened during the trauma my thoughts and feelings. I think that is the challenge with PTSD each person has different "specific" triggers while there may be lots of triggers that are the same across a group. certain spaces, certain touches, certain textures, certain looks, certain sounds, certain smells, certain tastes. Then you narrow it down to what specific.. well for me burning anything but especially flesh is a trigger- so burning or burnt bacon or meat can set me off in a few seconds. I live in the south and guess what- people LOVE burning their meat. I have friends and family from Louisiana who love to "blacken" stuff.  So now you can see why events where cooking out can cause me a challenge.

Forgiveness: This time

I think I get it now. About forgiveness. Its been hard but the forgiveness part has been a pebble in my shoe for years. Trying not to think about how I was treated or mistreated didn't help any. Putting the past behind me etc didn't work either. There was always a tempest brewing underneath underneath the calm reservoir of my personality.  From zero to "bitch" in six seconds although in my heart this was not how I wanted to be or be viewed but those buttons could be pushed so easily. I didn't realize that those buttons were triggers to trauma.

My boyfriend

My mom calls me from California and asks me of course, how I am doing and the children as well. She usually asks me before the end of the conversation how my boyfriend and I are doing. I usually laugh and say its the best relationship that I have had in a long time. After a year and a half of having "him" around and spending lots of time, I found that I thoroughly enjoy the time we spend together. I take him with me and like to go places where we can share time together even when people are around.